day to day shenanigans of an 89 year old

Mem made it outside later that night after her successful journey downstairs. Most people had left by this point and she sat down at a table littered with half eaten cookies and desserts. My mom was talking to a couple who was on their way out when she noticed behind them that Mem was scooping food off of all of the plates. Mom was of course mortified, but there was nothing she could do without drawing attention to it. By the time my mom was finished talking there wasn’t a speck of food left on the table. You’d think we starve the woman. 

All in all, my sister had a wonderful birthday party. Okay, it was really a graduation party, we just stopped correcting Mem after a certain point.

This past Saturday was my sister’s graduation party, and Mem spent most of the day inside because of the 90 degree weather.  We set out snacks and things like chicken and roast beef upstairs where she was, but strategically placed the desserts downstairs (we caught her sneaking chocolate covered strawberries into her pockets before the party). We severely underestimated her determination that day.

When she noticed people coming upstairs with cookies and cheesecake on their plates, she began plotting her journey to sugar-induced bliss.  I think she may have started hallucinating from her dessert deprivation because she nearly had a heart attack when my dad finished off the last of the roast beef (she thought it was chocolate cake). She bided her time until the coast was clear and made her way down the stairs. Now in the three years that she has lived with us, she has never bothered to see what was down there. Partly because of her lack of energy, but mostly because of the downstairs’ usual lack of cake.

When my dad noticed where she was, he knew immediately what she was up to.
Dad: Why are you down here Mem?
Mem: Oh! I started going down the hall [the stairs] and before I knew it I didn’t know where I was! I’ve never been down here before.
Dad: You’re sure it had nothing to do with the sweets?

Lesson learned: Never underestimate the mobility of an 89 year old chocoholic. 

Our family was sitting outside most of today enjoying the nice Memorial Day weather while Mem sat inside reading her book. At least that’s what I think she was doing. She might be 89, but she’s the sneakiest human being I’ve ever met. When my sisters walked inside she stopped them and exclaimed, “Did you know that today is my birthday!? I am 89 years old!” 

Now my sisters knew that today was most likely not her birthday, but they just nodded and said “Happy Birthday!” anyway. My mom later explained to her that today was not in fact her birthday, and that she still has a month to go. For someone who has to be reminded what month it is on a daily basis, she was awfully adamant about today’s date. My theory is that by making today her birthday, she would be able to eat cake with reckless abandon. Now you have to understand, the woman would crawl across broken glass for a piece of cake. She has (literally) risked life and limb for cake in the past, but more on that later.

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